Sunday, January 6, 2019

RAMBLINGS & RECIPES - Another Reason I Love The Florida Keys

I recently picked up the January 2019 edition of one of our local newspapers here in the Florida Keys.  "The Conch Republic Coconut Telegraph" is proud to be the Official Newspaper of the Northernmost Territories of the Conch Republic (a/k/a The Upper Keys).

Flipping through the 24 pages, there was not a single story about shootings, robberies, political squabbles or mayhem.  The Editorial page was titled "Hangover Helper! Get Over Your Keys Celebration..." which consisted of numerous ideas on how to alleviate this self inflicted agony.

This local newspaper tells you where to find the biggest superbowl party, which restaurant has endless mimosa's, where you can find all-you-can-eat tacos on Wednesday nights for only $13, and where all the outstanding festivals are coming up this month.

Another article, which I will print here, with all credit going to The Coconut Telegraph, is:

Retire to Key Largo Where...

1.  You'll be willing to park 3 blocks away from your house because you found shade.

2.  You'll experience condensation on your butt from the hot water in the toilet bowl.

3.  You have over 100 recipes for seafood.

4.  You know that you never have to pay for a sauna, just walk outside.

5.  The 4 seasons are: tolerable, hot, humid & hot, and ARE YOU KIDDING ME???

6.  You can make over $350,000 and still can't afford to buy a decent house.

7.  You can have dinner and buy bait in the same store.

8. Everyone has a nickname: Smilin' Bob, Lobsterman, Not-that-Buffy, Methhead Mary, etc.

9.  You carry your $3,000 worth of fishing gear in your $500 car.

10. Your idea of a traffic jam is three cars waiting for a tourist to pull off the road.

On page 10 you'll find an article about Drafting Guys Over 60 and why that is such a good idea. 

This one had me laughing so hard that I snorted my coffee through my nose (not a pleasant experience).  

If you can enlarge the print in this picture, go for it.  If not, you may be able to find a reprint online or just come on down to the Keys and pick up a free copy.

In the Classified Ads section of the Coconut Telegraph, you will find items for sale, such as:

Used. Needs Repairs. $10 (followed by a picture of a bucket of water with a carrot floating in it)

Under "Jobs" in this Classified Ads section, you will find ads such as:
Wanted: someone to  hold my hand as I enter the grocery store. It's just the beginning of the store that scares me, then I'm okay. I'll pay you in groceries.

Yes, I will trade The Miami Herald for the Coconut Telegraph any day!

(I found this recipe online some time ago but I can't for the life of me remember where. And no, my lack of memory is not due to the rum.)


  • 1 package white cake mix (regular size)
  • 1 package (3.4 ounces) instant coconut cream pudding mix
  • 1 cup canola oil
  • 3/4 cup water
  • 2 large eggs
  • 1/4 cup rum
  • 1 cup drained crushed pineapple
  • GLAZE:
  • 2 cups confectioners' sugar, divided
  • 2 tablespoons unsweetened pineapple juice
  • 1/4 cup cream of coconut
  • 1 tablespoon rum
  • 1/4 cup sweetened shredded coconut


  • 1. Preheat oven to 350°. Grease and flour a 10-in. fluted tube pan.
  • 2. In a large bowl, combine cake mix, pudding mix, oil, water, eggs and rum; beat on low speed 30 seconds. Beat on medium 2 minutes. Stir in pineapple. Transfer batter to prepared pan. Bake 45-50 minutes or until a toothpick inserted in center comes out clean. Cool in pan 15 minutes before removing to a wire rack.
  • 3. In a small bowl, mix 1 cup confectioners' sugar and pineapple juice; brush over warm cake. Cool cake completely.
  • 4. In another bowl, mix cream of coconut, rum and remaining confectioners' sugar; drizzle over cake. Sprinkle with coconut.


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